ZOMBIE HORDE 3 6/10

WAUDGGLAKJSHDALDIUENULGEAIUG...sorry that was me vomiting so that my head would not explode from rage. That was my first response when I saw this posting. But I clicked on it any way cause I am in fact hardcore. However, a funny thing happened when I clicked on the link. The game did not load. I guess God finally put a stop to that shit before it could do real harm to humanity.
Then I tried later and the game is much better than the past ones. In fact it starts out ripping the games pretty hard… I guess they listened.

ZOMBIE HORDE 2 5/10

I know, I know I was thinking the same thing you were the masterminds behind the shit bomb decided to atone for their sins and fix all the problems that I pointed out in the first shit ride to nowhere. Well for starters they got rid of the cardboard box crap and now its just you in the woods. Mistake one is what well will call that. Like I said before 90% of the fun on this game was watching the “fort” get demolished while you chuck bricks left and right. But maybe they are trying to set it up a notice you make it hardcore.

After all you now have two weapons( you still have to reload), but that just translates into two scoops of lame with a side of moron.but it starts out like “hey you there we to see how hard core are about killing zombies so here is a test”yet again they introduce that bullshit about how killing zombies get you money which you then need to buy weapons. Here’s the problem (one of many)you also have to buy ammo. How hardcore is that? Not very. When I died it was surprise surprise quite lame. Note to those who keep churning these games out ….STOP. IF I DON’T STOP YOU GOD WILL.

http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/zombie-horde-2.html

Ultimate Duck hunting

Zombie Horde 5/10

WHAT THE FUCK?! That is really all i can say. In this game you protect you cardboard box of a fort from zombies by heralding bricks at them. Sounds awesome right? Exactly SOUNDS awesome. It looks about as cool as pac man eat crack cocaine(or whaterver the hell those dots are) while being chased by the KKK(or whatever the “ghosts” are supposed to be) this game gets old fast but there is o whole subplot of I don’t get a shit save some civilian. I had more fun watching the zombies, and birds for some reans, tear away at my cardboard box(which for some reason or another cought fire.

The most rewarding part of the game was when I was able to save up enough money(I guess it come from the zombie fairy, formaily the tooth fairy but shit got rough,) and I bought a shot gun that was fun for like three seconds. There is no gore what so ever in this game . how dare they put zombie in the title. I haven’t felt so let down sice I watched the never ending story (and god damn it I should still be watch that film…its not even my bed time!!!!). And what adds even more to the bullshit factor is reloading. Even while serving up brick to unsuspecting zombie heads you have to reaload. Excuse me, I think I might be retarded but how the fuck do you reload a brick? Did I miss a day in high school or something? I would have had more fun polishing flavor flav’s clocks then trying to beat this game.

http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/zombie-horde.html

Zombie Survival 9/10

Two words HELL YES. No wait three words HELL MOTHERFUCKING YES!!!!!!!!!11 I expected more of the zombie games to be like this one.Again this is a standard one screen game you can turn left and right. That is really all you need to do and just let the zombie carnage happen. I want to say as little as possible about this game it speaks for its self. In fact the fact that the game comes with a disclaimer just means that here comes and awesome Popsicle on a hot day of bullshit. Playing this game is here by mandatory for all who wish to survive the coming zombie cleansing. Why are still reading this? PLAY THIS GAME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! CLICK BELOW.

http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/zombie-survival.html

Funky Disco Zombies 5/10

With a name like that how can you lose… I don’t know so i am going to have to contact the developers and ask them what brand of crack they were smoking when they made this turd. And might I suggest investing in two monkeys and possibly a giraffe. I think that the best part about this game is the name.

Nothing else even comes close. After my final life I thought gee I could have had a V8. At least then I would have had a bad taste in my mouth that I would have been able to get rid of. You spend more time vacuuming up never ending ghosts than you do fighting disco zombies. I don't know why but when I think about this game I got to an angry place, surprisingly enough filled with zombies, when I am able to take out my rage accurately.


Its so much that this game is bad its just that it has such an awesome name and maybe 15 years ago on an nes this would have been top shelf. But its 2008, people are cloning sheep, there is an inter connected web of computers or “Internet”. I mean holy shit the state is being run by a cybernetic assassin from the future.

This game just does not live up to the title. And not only that but hard…like bullshit hard. Some of the jumps are damn near impossible. After playing this game something inside me moved… and when I got out of the bathroom I realized that I had more fun in there with nature than I did playing this game. I would love to continue to tear into this game but there are these grapes in my fridge . and if I don’t eat them they are pretty much just going to sit there and frankly I just can’t let that happen. If you are at all interested the link to this game is as follows:
http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/funky-disco-zombies.html

DEANIMATOR 7/10

The name alone make this bad boy an instant classic. It claims to be based on a short story. Why you would base a flash game on a short story is beyond me… I guess they wanted street creed or something. The funny party about this game is that there is no plot what soever. So either that was the worst story ever written ( see the Eragon book series for an example of this) or the game has nothing at all to do with story. Either way I want to read it after ripping this fine example of flash code.

This is your standard flash game. One screen point and click simple elegant and to the point. You just some old dude standing out in the woods capping zombie fools left and right. And you randomly find weapons and ammo. But you do a a solid death in this game. A zombie rolls up and rips your head(spine attached) off and holds it over your quivering body. This game gets straight to the point and doesn’t fuck around with plot or movement. Just here come th zombies kill them as fast as can.

I would consider this game a definite at work game. You won’t exercise any personal growth while playing this game, in fact I think tha same amount of thought and effort that went into zombie assault was applied to this game. Why this game is by far a superior game? Well that is like asking “why does a sailor love his rum”. It’s the mystery of the deep. It could be the fact that it was based on a book or perhaps that it was not designed by two monkeys and a giraffe high on Mountain dew and skittles watching calvin and hobbs. I would like to take this moment and say that Mountain dew is the greatest soda ever made and all you haters out there need to find out what time it is. Check your watch casue its go time.
You can get this game at:
http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/deanimator.html

Zombie Inglor 9/10

This is another winner in the long form flash game department. It is reminiscent of diseased corpse in that there is a mystery involved, but it is not in German and it is the full game, here is the kicker. When the game starts youhave already been bitten by a zombie and are changing into a a brain loving mindless sack of bones. You have thirty days to find a cure and save your self. You spend the whole game doing deeds for other people and wasting zombies at night. Here is the part that sucks. This game is timed.so if you get to a tricky part or you talk to some long winded butthole about the importance of being Ernest you just might lose the game… but hey at least your not K-FED. Because of the time factor you need to play this one few times so you know where you can cut corners and what needs your gamer skill.

This game score major points in the zombie gore department. The living death come up out of the ground and have guns. Its fucking hardcore intense. As you return fire you kick off limbs and finaly just flat out own yourself so zombie scum. I wish Hollywood would come out with a movie this awesome but I have my hopes up for world war z. the Silver Screen Kid has it on high authority that the film version of that gem of zombie tales is going to personality own you nut sack. You will need at least 45 minutes to play this game cause you are lose… a lot. This is less of an at work game and more of an I can’t get to sleep tonight game. You will need a lot of time to tackle this one and it can be found at:
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/zombie-inglor/

Zombie Rush 7/10

This is a pretty complex game when it comes to flash games. It took me forever to read the instructions and actually get down to the game play. In fact I think I spent more time learning how to play the game then I did actually playing the game. It was that complex. And ultimately I think that it falls short when it comes to actual game play. However, if you are a fan of magic and animae I this is the zombie game for you. You are this anime Tiger and his fiends and you are protecting your beach shack like Frankie Avalon in one of his many “classic” roles. The game is times and you spend the entire time on the roof chucking various ninja weapons at beach zombies as they respond by throwing bones at you while they approach your beloved shack. Your magical friends chip in and help out with spell form time to time but are basically useless.

What sucks the most about this game, aside form the encyclopedia of instructions… for a FLASH game is that there is no way to die. If you let the zombies get to your shack you magical bunny friend or whatever miracles away the zombies and then takes away points. If we were on walkie talkies I believe that response would WHAT THE FUCK OVER! Yeah I would to have such a low bar set for me in life. Hey don’t worry about the horde of mindless undead coming to remove your brains and make you one of them (no not the Mormons), if any get by your defense you won’t die no no uncle save a ho will come to your rescue and poof holy shit why did I even try.

And at the end of the game that was how I felt. This game is not an entire waste of time but it leaves you feeling that way. It does entertain, but not a lot. This isn’t a game like the THE LAST STAND that will have you jonesing to play all day long. My experience was definably a one and done. Like a Goth chick at a keger… you don’t why she is there, how she got there, or why she is there but you think “well maybe she different. She is at a kegger …maybe she’s nit so emo” and you talk to her and surprise sufuckingprise she you just another emo bullshit Goth chick… what was I talking about….. well you can find this game at :

http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/zombie-rush/

GHOSTS ’N GOBLINS 6/10

I think this is an old school NES game, it has all the ear markings of 8 bits of monster killing madness. While the first level is the only one that features zombies, any true video game fan would love to kick back and waste some 8 bit zombies. You are basically a knight and some weird ass devil bird thing comes down and hates on your game by stealing your girlfriend and you (the knight) decide to man up and kick some rand monster ass. Its pretty straight forward, you run around chucking lances into whatever gets into your way. This is a pretty uninteresting game and I feel is just around for nostalgia purposes. You could your whole life without playing this game and you would never know the difference.
With all that said you can find this game at:
http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/ghosts-n-goblins.html

DISEASED CORPSE 9/10

BY Flashmaster Funk

This is what zombie games should be. Whenever I think of the coming zombie apocalypse I imagine it to be something like this. This game starts out like a mystery, you think its one of those bullshit “escape the room” point and click games. But you get out of the room pretty fast so you know that can’t be case. By the time you get the hang of the game, Pow! Zombie madness! Now I have to warn you at this point this is such a cool game that I have already tainted you experience by talking it up. You should really go play it right now. Diseased Corpse has its problem for one it looks like it is about 15 years old, but that only adds to the legend. Not to mention the fact that it is in German. That’s right German, there a few times where you can interact with signs and people and they are all about the German.
The link below is just a demo of this great games and I am searching the net for the real deal. The only reason this game was not a 10 as that the actual zombie carnage was just as weak as Zombie assault’s however, there is so much more to the game play and as short as it is it pulls you into the story. I feel like if I say any more about this game I will get your hopes up and it won’t meet your expectations. Bottom line play this game. It is short and will make you want more. You can find this game at :
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/diseased-corpse/

ZOMBIE ASSAULT 3/10

BY Flashmaster Funk

Yo Flashmaster here I just got through playing a game I would like to warn the general public. I got suckered into playing this flaming piece flashtastic, internet clogging, misleading , pigeon crap. Wait wait let me just say if this game was someone’s first time ever using the Internet or a computer for that matter “good job little buddy now stand aside the men have work to do”. This game just over simplified the zombie experience plain and simple. You are just and arm hanging out of a window shooting 4th grade Halloween style zombies that just disappear. That is not a death, that is a candy coated, lollipop version of the fourth coming zombie invasion. Felt like someone said “hey want to see some tits” showed we two mice and then punched me in the face. This game is entertaining for of three seconds. It would be a hard and interesting game if you have shit for brains, in which case you don’t have to worry cause the zombies won’t come after you. And if they did you wouldn’t know the difference or miss anything about the world of the living.
What did save this game from a complete 0 was that if you can stand to play it long enough zombies start flying planes into the house you are protecting. Don’t even get me started on that one but you get points for creativity. If I could vomit on creator of this game until he passed out I would, but that would be giving them too much attention for just a waste of space. I would like to follow this person around and issue them citations for wasting air. At the end of the day this was made non zombie fan on a bet that I am guessing they lost and had to wear some sort of sign referring to fact that they have no genitals. If you are looking to kill like 30 seconds you can check this game out at :
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/zombie-assault/
I would not suggest it and will not be held responsible for what you do after you play it.

THE LAST STAND 8/10

BY Flashmaster Funk
The first game is a little number called the last stand. In this little gem you are the survivor of the zombie attack and you have built a shelter that you have to defend from a zombie attack. It was designed by can artists production and armored games. I would have to give this game an 8/10. The only problem with it is that there is no real way to gauge you success through the game and a little hard to tell if you are moving forward or backward. The over all feel of the game is right on. The intro menu is scary as hell and the game play almost feels like a zombie flick.
The game play is pretty standard. You move with WASD and you have a gun that you use to waste zombies left and right with the click of your mouse. This comes in handy when protecting you shelter at night. However, the zombie deaths do leave something to be desired. When you are not protecting humanity’s last hope for survival you can divide you day up repairing your shelter, looking for more weapons, or looking for other survivors. It takes a while to find other weapons and you run the possibility of losing others that have “saved” when you go out searching which also add to the weaksauce factor of the last stand, that and there is no scoring. Just number of days that you stay alive, but in the end when you do die you get you guts ripped out by a zombie and feast fallows soon after. Of you manage to survive 20 days the military comes in and saves you. if you get far enough may I suggest using the hunting rifle has your primary weapon with the chainsaw as a backup. With the hunting rifle you can cap zombies with one shot and if your wall gets over run you can use the chainsaw to clean them off . You should play this game for nothing else but the menu at the beginning and your death by zombie.
All in all if you are looking to 5min+ at work invest in this game. It is a solid play and will entertain any zombie fan. This bad boy gets an 8/10 and is better than surfing for porn. This lovely gem of awesomeness can be found at:

http://games.arcadeinvader.com/2008/06/last-stand.html

Zombie Flash Games

Like all fans of the zombie genre I am constantly looking for new zombie related things on the Internet. I recently came across a series of flash games with a zombie theme and was intrigued. Usually flash games are what you play when you are at work and you want your boss to think that you are working on your T.P.S. reports and you don’t have the balls to check out your favorite porn site at work. So you calm you jittery hands and Internet Jones by clicking away at a flash game. Since no one at Analog Medium had ever had a real day job we view flash games differently. Dare I even call them an art and thus being an art. They need to be criticized.